Ban all bans!!!!

Dear Holly: is that why it's raining up here in the so-called Frozen North as well? I do apologise. I feel really, really bad now. I'd love to summon up my haughtiest faux British accent and say "Your tears move me not, woman!!!!" but I just can't.

Methinks the Ogre's definition of "emergency" is a bit narrow, no? And, sounds like he is discriminating against vertically challenged females. There must be a viable human rights complaint there - but of course, that would take years and years to resolve.

So - here are my thoughts for shorter term solutions.

(a) Do you have a tap with hot running water and a sink or bathtub in your house at present (I know there have been plumbing problems galore)? If so, the three day waiting period for the icicle Visa could be shortened to about 15 minutes, if not less. More than enough time to release the card, run to the computer, order away - but make sure you also buy one of those flash freezing torches they show on Iron Chef America in case the Ogre checks the freezer upon his return from hunting and gathering.

In the alternative, prepare another bowl with a useless or expired card, freeze that, and liberate the Visa.

(b) Put a button on your blog asking for donations. Seemingly thousands do - and they must get something out of it.

Example: I read a book called "Julie and Julia" some time back. The author, an underemployed New Yorker at the time, decided to undertake a project in which she would cook every recipe in the famous Julia Child cookbook in a one-year period. (I know, I know - but the rest of the story is not really about cooking, so please bear with me).

This turned out to be a more expensive proposition than she had gathered it would be. So, a friend suggested that she put a Paypal button on the blog documenting the project and ask for donations. (At this point in the book I nearly closed it and returned it to the library, thinking "Where I grew up, the most polite word for this was "begging"). She did. The money flowed in.

She then wrote a book about it, is now probably a millionaire and got to go on Iron Chef America and meet Alton Brown!

So, if I understand this correctly - she got donations to finish a project which she couldn't afford to finish, which project got her a book contract, which made her more money, which got her onto TV, which probably made her even more money, and so forth.

(Now, I want to cry. Why the hell do I continue to work?!?!? At least I didn't put any $$$ into her pocket, as I got the book out of the library...)

Anyway, if she can do this, so can you. Just put up a PayPal button, then go on Ravelry/Knittyboard/everywhere else and tell the heartwrenching story you just told me... the dollars will flow. I expect a 15 per cent cut, though.

In the alternative, I have approximately 17 unchecked lottery tickets sitting in my bag (JJ insists I buy them given that I'm a frequent flyer at smoke shops where they sell these things - I don't approve, so my passive-aggressive response is never to check them.) So, if I win over $1 million, I will buy you four pairs of 'vogs of your choice plus a 'vog bag AND a $1,000 on line spending spree. And you've even got it in writing!!

Feel better now?